The Sorcerer's Bride Chapter 17: Wishes for Motherhood

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Zylvia had made a drastic mistake and was now dealing with the consequences. She bit her bottom lip in frustration. What had she been thinking?

She was lost. Completely and utterly lost. For all she knew she had been going around in circles for the past half hour. All of these corridors looked the same to her. She wasn't sure she would have been able to find the dining hall again if she tried.

And there wasn't anyone around to ask either. She hadn't seen anyone since she left Kaldrek by the door of the dining hall. 'I probably should have asked him for help.' Zylvia let out a puff of air, 'But I didn't think of it until it was to late, and anyway I would hate to bother him, especially after he had to carry me last night.' She was still feeling a little embarrassed about that.

She continued wandering around looking for any part of the castle that looked familiar. Being alone like this gave her plenty of time to think. In fact, it made it impossible not to start thinking as she was unable to drown out her thoughts.

Naturally, she started thinking about the direction her life had just taken. She, who had never thought she would ever be able to get married, was now married. She had married Kaldrek. He was now her lawful husband. For the rest of their lives. And she was his wife. It made her want to both laugh and cry.

The worst thing about it was that it had not been his choice. If he had wanted it, if he had asked her, she would have been ecstatic. But the way it was she had no idea where they stood, and she was not sure what she could reasonably expect from him. And she definetely did not want make things awkward between them.

She knew he cared for her as a friend. But she wanted more than just his friendship. She desired the relationship normal for a married couple. She had always wanted to have children. But because she had never thought she would get married, she had buried those desires deep inside of her and refused to even think of them. And except for a few wistful thoughts here and there she had succeeded for years.

That is until she met Kaldrek. His smile had charmed her without her even noticing, until it was much too late. And those dreams of motherhood she had locked up had been opened again. And it was torturous. Because not only did she want children, she now had a man she wanted to have them with.

She was in love with him. It was something she had never spoken of, not even to her best friend, but that didn't make it any less true. He was, in fact, the only man to have ever caught her interest in this way. She wasn't quite sure when her feelings for Kaldrek had started but it had been some time before Fayre's and Jayesh's wedding.

And now she had married him. He was hers, at least by law. But his heart wasn't. She wondered how he would react if she told him that she loved him. That she had loved him for years. Or that she wanted to have children with him. Would he be willing to have a child with her? Or would he laugh it off as a joke? Because she could really see him taking such a statement as a joke. She let out a helpless sigh. He could be infuriating but she loved him all the more for it.

Thinking about children made her remember that Kaldrek seemed to be under the impression he wouldn't make a good father. She wondered where it came from, or if it had just been a joke. Or did he just not want children? It was possible, not every man wanted children. She really hoped this wasn't the case, though. She wanted him to want children. And to want them with her.

But if he really thought he would be a bad father, she wondered where that was coming from. And if she could help him work through it, and if she had the courage to try. Well, she could at least make some comments that could be construed as teasing instead of flirtatious. And see how he reacted, if it was encouraging....

About this time, Zylvia broke out of her thought process because she had finally seen someone. One of the maids, she wasn't sure of her name, was walking in her direction carrying a bundle of sheets for washing. Zylvia cleared her thought, "Umm...could you help me, please?"

The maid's eyes widened, "Oh! Lady Zylvia! Yes, how may I be of service?" The young lass seemed to be nervous and squeaked as she talked.

"I seem to be lost," Zylvia felt waves of embarrasment wash over her, "Can you point me in the direction of the queen's work room?"

The maid helped by pointing down a side hall and giving directions. Zylvia felt relieved, "Thank you. It was very kind of you to pause your busy schedule in order to help me. May I ask your name, miss?"

"Viola, ma'am, it was my pleasure to serve."

Now that Zylvia knew the correct way to go, she parted ways with the serving lass, and headed to keep her best friend company.
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